...no real reason. I keep wondering where the little bubbly girl I used to be is. I keep trying to perk up and just keep going, but when I start doing something...anything...I start crying. Just for today I don't want to be the one to scold or put kids in time out. I don't want to weather tantrums and wipe bums. I don't want to worry about bills and holidays. I won't keep going. I don't want to sound whiny or selfish. This really is just one way I can think of to try and hold my temper and not take it out on my kids.
Kaleb just climbed up on my lap because he saw me crying. They are so sweet and so perceptive. He keeps patting my cheek and giving me hugs. That always makes me feel silly for ever feeling this way, but here I am, just having one of those days.
May Photo Dump
2 years ago
2 comments:
I am glad you are so open about your feelings. I have had the same couple of days. I told Joe the other night that I know I am supposed to be enjoying the kids when they are young because everyone always says time goes by so fast but I just can't help but wish some of the days to just go away. Being a mom is TOUGH WORK! I have cried more and doubted myself more than ever since Brennon has been born (brennon is angelic but having more babies than hands is quite an adjustment.)
I remember one of the General Authorities saying that being a mom is harder than anything else anyone could do. I felt almost justified. I told my older sister this week that I think moms will be judged differently. ESPECIALLY stay at home moms!! There is SO much STRESS and so many moments when you are just trying to make sure everyone just ends up alive at the end of the day.
Joe was reading your post over my shoulder and said... "see honey, you aren't the only one. I guarentee every other mother feels the same way too sometimes"
We have to realize that Satan isn't going to be able to destroy us all of a sudden. But when he can get us feeling down on ourselves it starts to tear us apart and effect all other aspects of our lives. Be aware of his evil influence in your life and then pray (or in my cases I end up begging/PLEADING for help and strength) The Lord is mindful of you and your family. Just take the time to be honest with yourself and with the Lord when you pray and things will be brighter in the morning.
PS The world always seems worse when I am tired. Being a mommy I can guess that you might be tired too. Take a bath and go to sleep. I am proud of you for so many reasons but mostly because I know how HARD it is to be a mother and wife and you are still trying to find the joy in it. Don't quit looking because it's there! I love you. Us mommies need to stick together.
Oh sweet Kaelynn...you have every right to feel the way you do. I have monthly sob fests for myself and I don't have HALF the responsibility that you have. I think that whether we are mothers or students or wives or employees or whatever the fact of the matter is that we are women who expect so much out of ourselves and usually fail to live up to our very high expectations. The thing we have to remember is that other people don't have the expectation of perfection--just us...
I think that you should definitely dump the kids off with relatives and spend an entire day doing nothing but watching your favorite T.V shows and bingeing on cookie dough and pizza. Take a few naps, maybe a bath, definitely more naps.
the only way we can be our best selves is if we give ourselves a break every now and then. Don't feel guilty about it because it's just self care. You know how on airplanes the flight attendants always instruct to put you air mask on yourself before your children, because if you can't breath than you can't help anyone else breath? Well the same concept applies to life. Take care of yourself and others will be better off for it.
Wish I was there...you, me and Micaela would take care of ourselves together!
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